July 2011

Hi Emmeline. Mr Gum is actually a woman, so you see, you don’t know everything, do you? ‘Bowl o’ Soup’ sounds like a pretty terrible idea for a show and I bet Mr Gum would love it. ‘Shabba me whiskers, I love that new show,’ that’s what she’d probably say.

Answer.

Nice. I like how you got some stuff about chicken noodles in there and then said that you like to eat them and then said that they are full of meat and then finally you suggested that we should all sing to the beat. It was a very good song from that point of view.

This was also good, and scored extra points for mentioning a sieve. In my opinion, not enough songs mention sieves. In fact, the only other ones I can think of are ‘I Like Sieves’ by Ronald Leper and ‘I Don’t Like Sieves Anymore’, also by Ronald Leper.

It is goodle-y noodle-y excellence of the first order, Isobel. It put me in a goodle-y noodl-ey moodl-ey. Thank you-dley.

This is all starting to get a bit strange, isn’t it? But thank you anyway.

He is just a made up character, Caitlin. In real life I am not a big fan of dogs. They frighten me with their ways – although I have met a few nice ones over the years. Personally I prefer cats. Actually, when I was a kid my aunt had a massive whopper of a dog called Jake, but he was a red setter, not a Labrador/golden retriever type dog like Jake in the books. I don’t think I had my aunt’s Jake in mind when I invented my Jake, but my mum reckons that I did, deep down in my subconscious. I don’t know if it’s true but life’s a mysterious thing, isn’t it? Personally I’m just glad this isn’t another ‘question’ about chicken noodles.

To make you ask me that exact question, with that EXACT number of question marks. And it worked. Ha!

Well, if it’s a play, you’re probably going to be reciting lines from a script, right? Rather than making up jokes yourself? So at least you don’t have to worry about writing funny stuff, that’s a relief. So what you must concentrate on is the way that you deliver those lines. You must be confident and relaxed at the same time. And get the timing right for each joke. I’m sure you’ll be fine because I would say that, wouldn’t I? It would be awful if I said I’m sure you’ll be terrible. But seriously, you will be great because being on a stage is fun. And the people in the audience will want to be entertained, so they’ll already be in a good mood to start with. Good luck! As for new books, I think I’ll answer that question later in this month’s ‘Ask Andy’, just so that you have to keep reading all the other answers, not just your own, you SELFISH LITTLE GRAPE.

I didn’t like ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’ very much, I’m afraid. But the book it’s based on is AMAZING. Folks, do you want to read a really amazing book? It’s really weird and bizarre and extraordinary and it’s a bit complicated, and I’d recommend it if you’re about 11 up – or if you’re a bit younger and love books so much you’ve just GOT to try it, that’s fine too. Anyway, it’s ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’ by Diana Wynne Jones and it’s wonderful. I like ‘Princess Mononoke’ though, that’s a great film. My favourite Studio Ghibli film of all is ‘Spirited Away’, everyone reading this should go and watch it as soon as possible.

I think I’ll keep the secret for now, Douglas, thank you for giving me that option. But I will say that Padlock is one of my favourite characters from the entire series, I love him and Polly together. Even though he doesn’t say much (about three ‘mmmphs’ and one howl) I think he has a lot of personality. Or bearinality. Or whatever it’s called. Hey, here’s a SUPER BONUS TREAT for you all. I’m going to show you the first bit of writing that featured Padlock the bear. I originally wrote this in a hotel room in Wales, and it wasn’t a ‘Mr Gum’ story at all, it was just a strange piece of nonsense about a bear and the cruel man who stole him. Later, when I got back to my home in London and was thinking about what the next ‘Mr Gum’ book could be about, I remembered Padlock and used this piece of writing as a starting point for ‘Mr Gum and the Dancing Bear’. If you click on this link you can read it. Enjoy!

Nevre

Hi Piers. I don’t know exactly why that sea chest was in Mr Gum’s book to begin with, old houses are just like that – they’ve got all this crazy old stuff that used to belong to previous occupants or something, I don’t know. It’s simply that there’s too much stuff in the world and it has to go somewhere. As for where the chocolate had gone, there’s a line in the book which says something like over the years it had all melted or been eaten by sailors. It’s something like that, I’m afraid that I can’t be bothered to get up and check exactly what it says as I’m typing this sitting on/in a massive red beanbag and it’s just too comfortable. See, that’s how far I’m prepared to go for my fans – not a single inch.

Why don’t you try and find out, Louise? ;)

Yes.

Hi, Rebecca. As you might know, Alan Taylor’s mansion has now become Saint Pterodactyl’s School for the Poor, and instead of being filled with expensive but pointless things like a valuable golden peanut, a cat with ten thousand pounds tied to its tail and a litre of God’s spit in a Chinese vase, it is now the home to happy schoolchildren all learning the wonderful facts about nature that Alan Taylor teaches them. For instance, just the other day he was explaining that tigers have tails because if they didn’t, then they wouldn’t have tails. As for the next book, it will be a reissue of the book I wrote for World Book Day a couple of years ago – ‘Mr Gum in “The Hound of Lamonic Bibber”’. BUT!!! We aren’t just trying to sell you the same old story we sold you back then! Well, actually we kind of are. Sorry about that. BUT!!! It is better than that, because it will be a special BUMPER BOOK featuring extra bits – and bonus stories, including the story of how Mr Gum and Billy William first met when they were both just ten years old. AND!!! There’ll be stickers too! STICKERS!!! Seriously, even though we’re just trying to sell you the same old rubbish again, at least it will have lots more new rubbish with it! I hope that answers your question, Rebecca – and you too, Caitlin, if you made it this far. Well, folks. That’s all for this month. It’s sunny outside and I should really go and run around and do some exercise and stuff. But I’m so not going to. What I’m actually going to do is carry on slobbing about in this massive beanbag. And I’m going to turn the telly on and watch Wimbledon. Take THAT, healthy living! Byeeeee!!