March 2009

Click on the question below to discover the answers!

What is your star sign? - Oxgangs Chatterbooks

Scorpio. Next!

Just wondered do you write your books down on paper or do you use a computer? - Clive

I nearly always use a computer but sometimes if I get really stuck I take a pad of paper to the nearby café and try working that way.

Hello Andy. How are you? My question is: what is the most important thing that's ever happened to you in your life? Thank you. - Kaitlin

Hello, Kaitlin. I’m fine, thanks for asking. What a great question! I’m not sure I’ve really got an answer. Maybe getting the first ‘Mr Gum’ published because that changed my life. Yep, that’s probably it. That or asking this pretty girl out on a date once.

Hi Andy, me and my little brother david really really liked the story in the Puffin Post about Vanessa, Vanessa and Vanessa. My dad also read it until he started crying from laughter. But what is really is annoying is that no-one in my class at school knows who Mr Gum and the Lamonic Bibber gang are! What i really want to do is to paint ' Read Mr Gum' on the walls of my classroom and glue a little picture of Jake the dog underneath! Also we would like to ask if you have ever had your beard in a different style? - Rebecca and David

Hi, Rebecca and little David. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR SCHOOL?! You must start your campaign of ‘Mr Gum’ awareness immediately. Paint those words! Glue those little pictures of Jake! Seize the microphone during Assembly and shout ‘READ MR GUM, YOU NIBBLEHEADS!’ We must rectify this situation at once! As for my beard it generally comes in one of two styles: neat and tidy or a bit of a busher. At the moment it’s neat and tidy.

What colour is my underpants? - Vincent

NEXT!

Hey Andy I really really want your new book now I just need to persuade my dad to walk me down to Waterstone’s got any ideas of how I could? - Sarah Handley

Yes, it is easy. You just creep up to your dad while he’s snoozing on the couch one Saturday afternoon in that way dads do. Then you whisper ‘taaaaake meeee to Waaaateerstooones,’ over and over into his ear. Soon the words will go into his brain and muck up his thoughts and when he wakes up – BINGO! It’s Waterstones time! You can also try this with the words, ‘buuuuy meee a poooony,’ ‘buuuy meee annnnother poooony,’ and ‘sennnnnd Annndy Sttaaaaantoooon all your moneeeeey.’

I love to write stories but I just can't write books like you. I love your books. Where do you get your ideas from? Do you drink a lot of beer? - India Drew

As I may have said before I’m not sure where I get my ideas, they just come at all sorts of strange times and in all sorts of strange places. If you want to write stories you must get into the habit of writing down your ideas immediately when they occur to you. Otherwise you’ll forget your ideas forever. The other thing about writing is just to keep on doing it! Like everything else you’ll get better with practice. Finally, I do drink beer but not too much or my mum shouts at me.

Do any strange/interesting creatures live inside your beard? If so, what kind? - It's a secret

I’m afraid no strange/interesting creatures live inside my beard, just a couple of very ordinary pigeons and a boring little squirrel.

How do you spend your free time? (not writing books) - TK

Lazing around!!! Watching The Simpsons on DVD!!! Eating curry!!! Doing the crossword!!! Reading all sorts of books!!! Eating cake with my friend, Noëlle!!! Watching the snooker on TV!!! Practicing the electric guitar!!! Flying with the eagles!!! Lying about flying with the eagles!!! Phoning my friends!!! Drawing!!! Going for walks in the park!!! Listening to cool music!!! Talking rubbish with my brother!!! Making up weird songs!!! Going to the cinema!!! Going to the pub!!! Sitting in cafés!!! Using too many exclamation marks!!!

Hi Andy!!!!!!!! When you laugh, in your head do you go 'tee hee', 'heh heh' or 'ah hahahahahahahaha'? - Miranda of the Ziemann the 27th

More like ‘MWWWAH HHHA HAH, MWWA HAH HAH HAH, I’M GONNA TAKE OVER THE WORLD!’

Hallo, again! I've forgotten what I wanted to ask . . . Oh, in your reply to my last question you said you dance to some music because something you wrote was so funny, what was the music you danced to? Oh, and my cat, Mischief, wants to know if Oscar likes marbles. - Lykaios

I think the music I was dancing to was a song called ‘Pork Roll, Egg and Cheese’ by my favourite band, Ween. I have checked with my mum and Oscar does not like marbles. He is too lazy to get involved with them.

Andy me again. I never know how to end a book. How do you think of endings? - Bethan

Good question, Bethan. I think that endings have to feel a bit unexpected but they also have to feel correct and satisfying. You have to use some of the ingredients of what has gone before to make the ending work. For example, if you have a story about a boy called Alex who doesn’t like cheese and there’s this kid at school who’s always trying to make him eat cheese, what could the ending be? Perhaps Alex wins by eating the cheese and then being sick all over the bully? Or perhaps Alex turns the tables by forcing the bully to eat something he doesn’t like? Or perhaps Alex decides to make an ENORMOUS cheese in his dad’s shed to squash the bully flat? Those all seem like satisfying endings because Alex wins and he does it in a way that seems right (because it’s related to the cheese). But if you decided that Alex would beat the bully by turning into a vampire at the last second it might not feel right. People would probably feel cheated. It would seem like you’d just made up the vampire thing just because you needed the story to end. So think about what has gone before in the story and it will help you think of a satisfying ending.

And that’s how you do it, folks! Byeee!